Magic wants to be fucking famous. A new fictitious short story by Sane about a diskmag writer's ambitions, whose name rhymes with "epipelagic". Coincidence?
The Trinity brothers proudly present
A Jurassic Pack production
Brought to you on an Amiga (or emulator) by the Monk clan in cooperation with the Falon family:
„Magic wants to be fucking famous“, (c) 2022
Written and directed by Sane. Starring Ghandy as himself, also starring Magic as The Fameseeker.
Co-starring Ozan as mister Sarcastic. Featuring Sane as himself. Introducing Stingray as The Prophet.
Executive producer: sAner of Monk
Prologue
„Damn it, Ghandy! I want to be famous“ Magic shouted. Ghandy sighted and bit his lip. He already regret the fact he had asked Magic to write a few fillers for Jurassic Pack 19. Ghandy thought of the wise words Sane had spoken about Magic, over a year ago – „Never ask a simple conjuror to perform any magic.“ „But, that damn Sane bailed on me and wrote next to nothing for this upcoming issue of my magazine“, Ghandy thought. Without Magic his fillers, Jurassic Pack 19 would feature way too few articles.
„Ghandy! Are you listening?!“ Magic screamed „I want to be FUCKING famous!“.
„You could try to write some real quality articles instead of the fillers you have been writing for the past 2 decades, Magic …“ Ghandy whispered.
Even though Ghandy had spoken those words in a very soft tone, Magic heard what Ghandy had said and quickly turned his head. Magic looked annoyed, even angry and screamed at the top of his lungs: „Writing quality articles is for lamers. It’s for suck-ups and losers like Fishwave, Rokdazone, Mop, Macno, Soda, Wade, Puh and Darkus. Hell, even Sane. It’s way too much work to write decent, quality articles. I have never done that before and I am not going to start now.
I want to be famous without having to sweat. Why can’t I become famous by writing fillers? Lord Helmet and Astro became really famous, without ever haven written one decent article. So, why can’t I, Ghandy!? Ghandy!“
Ghandy carefully picked his words and replied: „Well, maybe that’s because Lord Helmet and Astro had some good and innovative ideas? True, they couldn’t write a decent article, but they had a vision.“
Magic’s head turned red and he cried out loud: „So, now you claim I don’t have a vision?! I was even a member of Vision. Well, almost anyway.“
Stingray, who had quietly sat in the back of the room on a comfortable couch, stood up and said: „Magic, Magic, Magic … that obsession of yours with fame will probably get the best of you some day. Mark my words. This is not going to end well …“
And those few words, spoken by the Scene’s prophet, would later turn out to be quite true.
Two weeks later
„I have the best idea ever!“ Magic came storming in. Ghandy, Stingray and Ozan were busy with a brainstorm session about Jurassic Pack 19. They all looked up.
„What now, Magic?“ Ghandy asked.
„How could the best idea ever get through your thick skull?“ Ozan asked.
„Still busy figuring out how to get famous, aren’t you?“ Stingray asked.
„Yes! And I know a way how to become fucking famous without putting a lot of effort in it!“ Magic shouted. „Listen to my utterly amazing plan!“ Magic continued: „I am going to kill a very famous Scener, like Dan or Facet! Or better yet: I will kill them both!“
Ghandy and Ozan remained silent, but Stingray asked: „And why would you do that? And how exactly would that make you famous?“
Magic smiled an evil grin and was amazed they didn’t see the sheer brilliance of his plan. He then replied: „John Wilkes Booth. Lee Harvey Oswald. Mark David Chapman.“ Magic continued: „I bet these names ring a bell, don’t they?! Those are the names of extremely famous people because they killed even more famous people! Ha!“
Ghandy, Ozan and Stingray were amazed by the stupidity of the unfolding drama. „But, but …“Ghandy stuttered: „You can’t kill Dan and Facet … They are loved by everybody! The entire Scene thinks they are great. Plus Dan and Facet are also very likeable people. The Scene will hate you for killing them!“ … „Yes … you can’t kill Dan and Facet“ Ozan said „You could kill Sane though“.
One minute later
„No, Magic!“ Ghandy shouted „You can’t kill Sane! Ozan was just making fun! It was a joke!“ Ozan said: „It really was a joke, Magic. You can’t kill anyone!“
Magic thought for a second and then replied: „I still think it’s a good idea. Everybody hates Sane and many people are even afraid of that idiot. His temper scares the shit out of most sceners who meet him. The Scene will love me for killing Sane! And I will be utterly fucking famous then!“
Ozan said: „But you would be in jail then!“
Magic replied: „So? I would be fucking famous, wouldn’t I? I don’t care about being in prison!“
Stingray mumbled: „This whole enterprise is an accident waiting to happen. You will probably end up dead yourself. Sane is fierce. You can’t kill him …“
Magic answered: „I could kill Sane any day of the week. I could kill Sane with one of my hands tied to my back!“
Ozan and Ghandy were still desperately trying to bring Magic to other thoughts, but Magic seemed to have made up his mind. „You could try to revive Thing or Chit Chat“ Ozan suggested.
„Too much work“, was Magic’s reply.
„I could make you maineditor of Jurassic Pack“ Ghandy tried.
„Too much Work“ …
„You could start divisions of Nah-Kolor in every country of the world“
Ozan mentioned …
„Too much work“ …
„You could compile all the fillers … eh articles … you have ever written and publish them in a book“ Ghandy desperately tried …
„TOO MUCH WORK!“ …
„You could dress as a girl and perform a striptease act during Revision“ Ozan mentioned casually …
„TOO MUCH WO …“ Magic stopped in the middle of the last word of the sentence he had already said so many times on that rainy afternoon in the middle of March. „Now, that could actually work!“, he continued. Stingray shook his head and said: „This surely isn’t going to end well…“
At Revision
At the Revision site Magic stepped out of his Toyota Prius. He was dressed in drag clothes and he was wearing a blonde wig, fake boobs and red lipstick. Ghandy, Stingray and Ozan stepped out of Stingray’s Volkswagen Golf and looked at Magic walking towards the Revision building.
„He is actually going to do it ..“ Ghandy said. „He is crazy …“ Ozan replied. „It was your idea …“ Stingray said. „It was a joke!“ Ozan countered. „Look at him walking on those high heels. He can barely walk on those stilts!“ Ghandy pointed out. „This is not going to end well. I have a bad feeling about this …“ said Stingray.
As Magic walked towards the Revision building with the setting sun in his back, two vehicles approached. One of the vehicles was Sane’s purple Lamborghini. With squealing tires the Lamborghini came to a stop, only inches from our three amigo’s. Sane stepped out and said: „Hola, mis hermanos!“ „Hi, Sane!“, Ghandy and Ozan replied. Stingray just looked annoyed and said nothing. He was always annoyed when Sane didn’t talk in plain English. „You’re Dutch. So why do you speak in Spanish?“ was what Stingray wanted to ask Sane, but before the words came out of his mouth, the second vehicle caught his attention.
The Apocalypse
That second vehicle was a big bus with a lot of Sceners in it, more than a hundred altogether. Sceners on their way to the Revision party. They wanted to attend a real life Revision party for the first time since the corona pandemic had hit the world. They were all looking so forward to this party.
The bus came from the opposite direction and was facing Magic and the sun. Magic plodded on and tried to cross the street on his high heels. The driver of the bus (was it Dan?) lowered the vehicle’s sunshade. He should probably have worn sunglasses too as the sun was really blinding him, but he didn’t wear sunglasses. He most likely didn’t think of taking shades because it was only April, but he must seriously have regretted that decision as the sun was so low and was so very blinding him.
Then Magic fell. He tried to get up as he got sight of the incoming bus. Unfortunately one of Magic’s heels had broken off during that fall and he couldn’t walk at all anymore. Magic stumbled and limped. The bus came closer and closer. Would Magic make it to the other side of the street in time? Would the driver see Magic in time? Yes, he did! But only just. The driver (it wasn’t Dan who was behind the wheel of the bus after all) saw Magic and pulled the steering wheel of the bus to the extreme right. The front wheels of the bus squealed. Burning rubber could be smelled. Sparks could be seen coming from underneath the bus. The bus missed Magic by an inch. His wig fell off his head and his lipstick was smeared across his pretty face. Magic’s fake boobs were still in the right place though.
Then the bus hit the curb, spun and rolled over. The bus was on its roof and the few Sceners who were still conscious after that extreme impact frantically tried to get out of the bus.
Ghandy, Ozan, Stingray and Sane were gazing at the scene with their mouths opened and without blinking their eyes. They just stood there. They were shocked and in total disbelief. What had just happened!? Stingray said: „This can’t possibly end well …“ Then flames could be seen from under the motor of the bus. First a few small flames, but soon the flames went higher and higher and before they knew it, the whole bus was on fire. A split second later the gas tank of the bus blew up. Everybody aboard died. Sirens could be heard in the distance. Ambulances were driving towards the Revision center, but they should have been hearses instead. Witnesses were weeping. Ghandy was in total disbelief. Ozan cried. Stingray put an arm around Ozan and tried to comfort him. ….
„Well, Magic is fucking famous now …“ Sane muttered.
The end.
Sane / Monk
